i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
