Betty ford says i'm here all night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
