I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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