i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
