i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize