there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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