Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
