bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
