I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
