omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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