ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
