Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
