I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
