Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
