I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
