oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
