It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
