hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
