Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
either way he was missing a nipple.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
