Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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