rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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