Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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