you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
