I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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