1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
