Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
