Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
