there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
