i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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