she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
