My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
