Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize