just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
