I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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