So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
