Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
