I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize