and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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