# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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