can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
