I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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