your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
