Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
