absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
