what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
MIDGETS
????
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to calm my uterus...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
