Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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