she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
