There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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