I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
