They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
