you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
