what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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