I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
