Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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