I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
