Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
