When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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