My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
