i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
