we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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