WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
