Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
