Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
