Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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