I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
