just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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