Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
