and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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