Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
