I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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