The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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