Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
