If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
